The Man In the Maze
Time passes so quickly. Hours become days. Days become weeks. Weeks become years.
It’s been too long to neglect my thoughts for this outlet, so I’m writing a quick post.
Death has made another recent round of visits to my family and friends, and the grief affects me more than I want to admit. I thought the past hardened me, but I suppose death - the loss of love - is never, ever easy to deal with.
Nearly fifteen years ago, my family encountered a time of great loss - my wife lost multiple cousins and, most devastatingly, her mom. I lost cousins, an uncle, and also my mom. All in all, we had ten close family members die within twelve months. My side of the family is small, and I have some earned credit as a “responsible party”, so I was usually saddled with the tasks of making arrangements, notifying, and consoling - not an easy job, I think, for just one relative, but I accepted the responsibilities with as much strength as I could find. Along with the emotional trauma, I had financial crises to confront. All I could do was have faith that life will only give you what you can handle and find my way out of the darkness in which I was placed.
After taking care of my dad for a couple years after my mom’s passing, my dad left this earth. Another time of sadness enveloped me, but I had more available support, so I was able to get through it a bit “easier”.
Between my dad’s death in 2013 and the death of one of my mom’s remaining two sisters, there was more adversity - enough to reserve comment today and MAYBE share in the future in its own post, but it is enough to say, I had to take on the role of caregiver with full physical and mindful commitment.
Within a few months in 2019, one aunt died and the other was hospitalized then placed in a rehabilitation facility and ultimately accepted a room in a skilled-nursing group home. COVID hit in 2020, and I found myself (her only visitor - I have a brother, but again, that is whole other story) visiting with her for nearly a year through the window she fortunately had.
My aunt, my last living tie to the generations before me, is now 74. She has been on dialysis for almost 25 years. She has lost the ability to walk and to feed herself, but her mind is sharp. My focus, for awhile, on this platform will be to share her thoughts and perspective from a different time. I’m looking forward to what we’ll find together.